Thursday, February 11, 2010

150 Days Down, A Lifetime To Go . . .

I am officially 150 days into my life change. I feel amazing. I am playing soccer again. I am absolutely thriving in school and in the rest of my life. I can't believe I am already 150 days into it, and ya know what? It's never going to change, there is no end to my staying healthy and taking care of myself mentally, physically, and emotionally. I will reach my goal weight, but that will just be a mile marker in my journey because now that I have taken control of my life I am not going to give it up. I feel like I am actively and productively living my life. I was out to dinner with Cassi and Nancy last weekend and I was explaining to Nancy how I don't just feel a change in my body. I am living consciously; in my education, in my relationship, with my body. This thing that started out in the kitchen has changed every aspect of my life. I have lost 28 lbs., I still have plenty to lose but I am on my way. On top of my weight loss I have proven to myself that if I put my mind to something I can do it, this gives me strength and confidence knowing that I am going to graduate in June and will be out in the real world.

After Tuesday's soccer game I already wrote that I feel amazing, but I can't stop thinking about how much better I feel now than last April when I injured myself. I was heavy, unhealthy, I wasn't applying myself fully in school, and I felt ashamed about all of it. I remember talking to my mom after I got injured, I didn't know yet that I had torn my ACL but I knew that it was bad. When I got home from Las Vegas I told her I thought maybe this would be a wake up call for me to take care of my body more than I have been. That tournament in Vegas was a low point for me, and I have been thinking . . . I want the chance to redeem myself.

Cassi and I have been doing a lot of talking, as our team continues to plan the trip to the same tournament. Cassi and I first answered that we would not be going, that we couldn't afford it and that it wasn't in the cards for us. The tournament and hotel are actually quite affordable, it's that darn airfare that's tricky. However, we are thinking about it again . . . I want to do it right this time and come full circle on the 1 year anniversary of my injury. Also, thinking about my thesis project this would be a fantastic wrap up to my story. I talked to my thesis advisor yesterday about the idea of this being the final act of my project and she was blown away.

My next step is to talk to my doctor and ask him whether or not he thinks it is smart for me to do this, obviously if I am not ready to play in the whole tournament I won't push it. I need to be realistic but really, my doctor and I are the only ones who can make that call.

We haven't committed to anything yet, but I am in better shape than ever and my knee feels amazing, I want to prove to myself that I can do it.

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